Ups and Downs

I got an email from Diana advising me to update my blog… so I guess I’d better get on it. I haven’t been updating this because I have not been feeling very positive lately; which is not very fair because I have tons of positive things in my life here in Hong Kong. But lately I have become more aware of some of the negative aspects of this environment. Is it possible to really love, and dislike the environment you are in all at the same time? I can tell you that it is. I can’t explain it at all.

I love the people I have met here in Hong Kong, especially my flatmates, the other interns, local AIESECers, and my co-workers. Everyone is nice, friendly and easy to talk to, and I think it is so great that we are building these new friendships and everything that comes with them.

Also, I have been given great learning opportunities in my time here, which I really value. At World Family I am still working on writing a play, which is something I never ever in a million and a half years imagined myself doing, but I am and I am loving it and I have already learned tons, so I can’t even imagine what will come out of the entire process. I will also be a facilitator at the upcoming AIESEC conference, which will be challenging but I am really excited about it.

Finally, I love the access to creative expression that come with living in a big city. Last Saturday I had the chance to watch a fabulous contemporary dance show (see more in the “Nijinsky” post) and I will get to see a lot more in the coming month because it is the “New Works Festival” in Hong Kong. When it comes to fashion, you can find anything and everything that you feel reflects your personal style, which is really exciting (and daunting). These things are just not possible in Calgary.

At the same time, I have realized how important your physical surroundings can be in your happiness. As I said above, Hong Kong has a lot to offer, but it also has some drawbacks that make it really hard to live in. As I told Mel, I think my “I-am-happy-to-be-here” bubble has finally burst and I am noticing some things that didn’t bother me before.

First off, it is SOOO busy, like you-can’t-even-imagine-if-you-haven’t-seen-it busy; you can barely walk because there are just people EVERYWHERE. As a result, everyone, including me, has to be VERY pushy to get anywhere. It honestly feels like there is no way to just be laidbacked and polite here, you will never ever move. This makes leaving the house very stressful, because it feels like everywhere you go you have to fight just to make your way. I guess it is a good experience, and hopefully I will learn some more patience, but right now it is intensely frustrating.

The other area that has been grating me is this city is really bad for your health, to the extent that I actually believe living a year in Hong Kong can significantly shorten your life span. For people who do not have a true home in Hong Kong it is very hard, and very expensive, to find good quality nutritious foods. For example, a typical supermarket will devote about 85% of its floor space to processed, boxed and packaged foods, while the remaining 15% is devoted to a tiny fruit and vegetables section, some meat and very little dairy. It is very difficult to find whole grains, especially breads. When you walk down the street you can actually feel the pollution going into your lungs, and when you are inside, the feeling is only masked my the massive air conditioners that are going full-blast everywhere. Additionally, as a result of the air and noise pollution, as well as the shear volumes of people, it is virtually impossible to get any kind of outdoor physical exercise on the weekdays.

For me, lately, these factors have been provoking a feeling of intense claustrophobia that I have never felt before living here. I really think that this city can suffocate you if you let it. It has really made me realize that the way a city develops is SOOO important to the quality of the lives of the people in the city. For example, Paris is a bigger city than Hong Kong in terms of population, but the layout of the city, the architecture of the streets and buildings and the access to good, fresh, produce and foods makes it much more conducive to the type of life I would prefer to live. Maybe it is wrong to say, but for me, I actually fear that more cities will develop in the model of Hong Kong.

Anyways, maybe I am just being grouchy, but I do hope something happens quick to get me out of this funk because I am tired of it. I like to be positive and happy, not like this. Don’t get me wrong, Hong Kong is a nice place to visit, to see and to shop, but, in my opinion (which I reserve the right to change) it is not a very nice place to try to make a life. I think people who were born here develop an unbelievable high level of patience, and, in general, seem to be very social and comfortable when surrounded by people; I really hope I can learn these skills while I am here. I think once you have these skills mastered you can have a great life here, but for me, this is not the place to make my life.

Lastly, hopefully this will be the last negative thing you hear me say during my time here, because I believe if you focus on noticing the negative then that is all you will ever see. I am hoping that writing this will get it out of my system, and I can go back to focusing on all the great things in life. I know I am really lucky to be here, and to have a year to live and work abroad, and I know I will cry when I have to leave, talk about it for years to come, and compare every experience in the coming years to my time in Hong Kong. It is for this reason also that I need to make a record that life here is not all peachy, there are ups and downs.

Whew! That’s kinda long, hmmm…

And, thanks to everyone for all the emails recently, it has been really great to hear from home : ) Thank you, thank you.